Winners of the Unspent Time Launch Event

"I'm very polite by nature, even the voices in my head let each other finish their sentences." Graham Parke, Unspent Time

I'd originally planned to have a monkey draw two random numbers out of a hat (then use the inverse hexadecimal value - because you cannot trust monkeys, not at the prices I'm willing to pay) but apparently there are laws against monkey labor. There are permits involved. It's a whole thing. So instead I asked a friend to think of two random numbers while dressed in a monkey suit, without telling him what the numbers were for. This seemed sufficiently random to me, although it later occurred to me how worrying it was that my friend would actually do this without ever asking why. There might be a thinly veiled cry for help in there somewhere...

Kindle Fire Winner: Cecilia Huddleston Kindle Touch Winner: Kathy Habel

A big thank you to all the bloggers and readers who supported the Unspent Time launch event (especially those who bought multiple versions of the weird little novels that wrecked a thousand reasonably useful minds.)


Anyway, here's the results, thank you all for joining in, winners will be contacted and forced to accept prizes, let me know if you ever come across bits in the novels you like, stay healthy and sane,


Graham Parke



“We played for about half an hour before I realized we were actually playing two different games. What I’d thought of as ludo was actually a game called gin rummy, and what Warren was playing seemed to be a mixture of craps and table tennis. Once we started playing by one consistent set of rules, though, the fun was really over.” Graham Parke, No Hope for Gomez!

Guest Blog - Random Acts of Senseless Kindness by Graham Parke

Clinical studies have shown that reading the "Random Acts of Kindness" eBook is not only likely to make you more attractive to the opposite sex, it will also elevate your random luck by about 9.5%**

So, that's a nice bonus right there.

(**These statements have not been evaluated by anyone of consequence!)


You can find the eBook: here

Excerpt:

Blog entry: Arrived at the store late, found a homeless guy sleeping in the doorway. Hicks was already inside but gave no indication he’d noticed. I nudged the homeless guy and asked, “How are you doing down there, fellow? You okay?”

The homeless guy grumbled something in his sleep.

“It’s getting pretty cold,” I said. “Don’t you want to come inside?”

“Inside?” He coughed and opened his eyes.

I pointed out the store, not convinced he’d actually noticed where he’d crashed the night before. “This is my antiques store,” I told him. “We’ve got the heating on inside, shame to waste it on just two people. And it looks like it might start to snow soon.”

The homeless guy gave me a suspicious look. “You want me to come inside? With you?”

“Sure, if you’d like.”

“Is that because you think that if I come inside with you, I’ll let you touch me?”

“What? No!”

“Okay, because I can tell you right now, that’s not gonna happen.”

“Well, I suppose it is good to get those kinds of things clear beforehand. But no, I was just thinking you might enjoy the warmth, maybe a cup of coco.”

“A cup of coco you say…” He scratched his stubble. “And you’ll be charging me for this cup of coco?”

“No, the coco is free.”

“I see. So, are you operating under the assumption that if I come inside with you, and I drink your free coco, that I will touch you?”

“What? No!”

“Okay, because I can tell you right now, that’s not gonna happen either. Just because a guy is down on his luck, that doesn’t mean he goes around touching people in exchange for cups of coco.”

“I understand completely. And thanks again for pointing that out. But no, my friend and I noticed that you were sleeping in our doorway and, well, we’d like to invite you inside.”

The homeless guy turned and peered through the window in the door. He made eye-contact with Hicks, who panicked and went looking for his broom. “That your friend?”

I followed his gaze. “Yeah, that’s Hicks. He’s a bit peculiar, but he’s okay.”

“I see.” The homeless guy pulled on his collar. “And this friend of yours, will he be drinking coco also?”

“I suppose. I’m not entirely sure, but it seems likely.”

“I see.” The homeless guy considered this. “So,” he said, after a long moment, “will this friend of yours be expecting me to touch him?”

“No! There is no touching involved in any of this!”

“Okay, calm down,” the homeless guy said. “There’s no need to get all homophobic!”

“I wasn’t!”

“You sounded homophobic to me.”

“Me? You’re the one who can’t stop talking about touching people!”

I noticed people stopping in the street to stare at us. This made me very uncomfortable.

Download Free eBook here.