Safety Needs and the Power of Pain
Getting out of Victim Consciousness is relatively easy: all you have to do is stay within the confines of “My Business.” Staying out of Victim Consciousness is a bit more challenging. The process is very simple, but it requires a commitment on your part to see any results. In order to stay out of Victim Consciousness, master your anger, and become ridiculously happy, you have to learn how to feel Safe.
Safety is one of the most fundamental human needs, and arguably, it’s the most important. It’s also hugely misunderstood. Safety is a very big concept and all I can do here is give you some essential nuggets to get you started. (For a more comprehensive explanation, buy a copy of Anger Mastery: Get Angry, Get Happy. There’s an entire chapter on Safety, and all of Phase 2 of the Anger Mastery Process is designed to help you to feel Safe.)
Your Safety Needs include everything you think you need to survive. In fact, you could survive without most of these things, although probably not without whining about it. In order to meet your Safety Needs, you have to believe that all of your Physiological Needs (actual survival needs: food, shelter, air, water, sleep, etc.) will be met in the future. Your Safety Needs motivate you to avoid physical and emotional pain.
You have a metaphorical bank account for your Safety Needs, and just like your actual bank accounts, you’re responsible for maintaining a minimum balance in your Safety Need Account in order to avoid penalties. As soon as the balance in your Safety Need Account drops below the minimum level, you dive into Victim Consciousness. You’ll stay in Victim Consciousness until you’re able to meet your Safety Needs. While you’re in Victim Consciousness, every action you take is motivated by your need for Safety. You want the things that you want because you believe that getting those things will make deposits in your Safety Need Account and allow you to get out of Victim Consciousness. Unfortunately, when you act from Victim Consciousness, you use force instead of power. This means that every action you take is counter-productive. The more you do, the less Safe you feel.
When you’re in Victim Consciousness, the only solution is not to take any action until you’re certain that you’ve moved back into integrity, and the boundaries of “My Business.” This is not always easy to do, however, because when you step into Victim Consciousness, you experience pain. When you’re in pain and you feel unsafe, your priorities change. It doesn’t matter to you that you’re in “Other People’s Business” or “God’s Business.” All that matters is that you find a way to stop hurting. Pain is a very powerful motivator. The more pain you experience, the more you’re willing to do to stop it, whatever the cost.
Let’s say that you suffered from headaches—not your average tension or sinus headache, but blinding, throbbing, debilitating pain. What if I told you that I had a solution? What if I had a device that would absolutely guarantee to stop the pain of a headache instantly? And more than that, what if once you used it, you would never, ever have another headache again? Now, this device isn’t FDA approved (it’s French), and it does have a few side effects, but would you be willing to risk them if it meant that you would never have to suffer one of those headaches ever again? Sure you would!
You may have heard of this device. It’s been around since the eighteenth century. It’s called a guillotine.
So, are you ready to give it a try? Of course not. The idea of chopping off your own head so that you never have to experience another headache is insane. You would never, ever, consider it.
But here’s the thing—you would never, ever consider it now, because now, you don’t have a headache. But the next time you experience that blinding pain that fills your “little r” reality with endless agony, the guillotine may look more attractive. When you’re in that much pain, you’ll consider anything to stop it, even chopping off your own head. It doesn’t matter that in the long term, chopping off your head would be counter-productive. All that matters is that it would stop the pain right now.
Emotional pain is just as powerful as physical pain. I point this out because you’re living in a world of emotional pain. You may not notice anymore, because you’ve gotten very good at stuffing it, numbing it, and otherwise distracting yourself so that you don’t have to feel it, but it’s still there. It’s what made the Tea Party possible. One of the ways that you avoid feeling this pain is by getting angry. When you get angry, you feel more powerful. Anger has more energy than the lower levels of consciousness of Fear, Grief, Guilt and Shame that are the cause of your emotional pain, and so when you get angry, you feel better.
However, anger feels better only by comparison to the more painful feelings; it’s still a part of Victim Consciousness. When you get angry, it doesn’t mean that you’ve healed the pain; it just means that now you have enough energy to go out and find yourself a guillotine.
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About Author
Kevin B. Burk has been helping people around the world to improve their lives and relationships since 1996 through his astrological counseling and relationship coaching practice. His humor, wisdom and compassion are always present, in his books (ten so far, including Astrology: Understanding the Birth Chart, The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve Every Relationship in Your Life, and his newest book, Anger Mastery: Get Angry, Get Happy), his classes and workshops, and his interactions with his clients and students. Kevin’s focus is always on the practical, exploring how we can actually use astrology and spiritual practice on a daily basis to transform our lives.
In the astrology world, he is best known for making Classical Astrology accessible to everyone, taking complex and abstract concepts and showing how they can be used to create concrete, specific and practical interpretations. Kevin’s website, The Real Astrology with Kevin B. Burk is one of the premiere astrology resources on the Internet. His book, Astrology: Understanding the Birth Chart is a textbook used at Kepler University in their Undergraduate Astrology Degree program, and has been translated into Russian, and is currently being translated into Bulgarian. Kevin’s articles have appeared in The Mountain Astrologer, the Australian publication,Well Being Astrology, and in Llewellyn’s Moon Sign books.
In the non-astrology world, Kevin is best known for his unique approach to understanding and improving all human relationships through The Relationship Handbook andThe Relationship Workshops.
Kevin has released a series of DVDs of his Law of Attraction workshops: the self-contained Prosperity & The Law of Attraction, and Astrology & The Law of Attraction, a series of 7 DVDs recorded live in Houston, TX at a weekend workshop for the Gulf Coast Chapter of NCGR.
Kevin has developed a revolutionary program for spiritual growth called Archetypal Astrology: The Hero’s Journey. This intensive program guides participants through the process of meeting and moving into Right Relationship with each of the seven Astrological Archetypes (you may know them as the seven personal planets).
Kevin is currently synthesizing astrology and spirituality into his next series of books: Astrology & The Law of Attraction, Prosperity & The Law of Attraction andRelationships & The Law of Attraction.
You can visit Kevin’s website at
www.GetAngryGetHappy.com
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ANGER MASTERY by Kevin Burk:
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ABOUT ANGER MASTERY
Author Kevin B. Burk wants to make you angry. Burk believes that getting angry is the first step to happiness, and his newest book, Anger Mastery: Get Angry, Get Happy shows you how.
“Anger is like fire,” says Burk. “When you master it, it’s a powerful source of energy. If you don’t master it, however, it can be dangerous and destructive.” More importantly, Burk asserts, until you master your anger, other people will steal your energy, your power, and your ability to be happy.
The Anger Mastery Process has three phases. In Phase 1, you learn how to use more of your own energy, which makes it harder for other people to steal it from you. (This involves going to the gym at least five times a week.) You also learn how to leave Victim Consciousness and move into integrity by answering the question, “Whose business is it?”
Phase 2 of the Anger Mastery process helps you to stay out of Victim Consciousness by learning how to feel Safe. You meet your Safety Needs with a tool called the Present Moment Awareness Safety Meditation, available for free at www.GetAngryGetHappy.com.
By the time you complete Phase 2, you will already notice significant changes in your life. In particular, you will have considerably more energy. Phase 3 shows you how to use that energy to become truly, completely happy.
Anger Mastery is not your typical book on anger. Not only is Burk’s approach unique, but also the book itself is laugh-out-loud funny. “Humor is a powerful tool to shift consciousness,” said Burk. “Laughter instantly transforms anger. Plus, funny sells more books.”
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